Dear Community,

I am angry.

And apparently angry women make people uncomfortable. Especially angry liberal women. We’re dramatic. Emotional. Too much.

Fine.

Maybe the problem isn’t that I’m too fucking angry. Maybe the rest of you aren’t angry enough.

Because stories like what happened at Cornell don’t land on neutral ground.

Women are sending the story to each other. Feeling sick. Angry. Heartbroken. Remembering things they haven’t thought about in years.

Nearly half of women in this country have experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime.

Nearly. Half.

So yes, women are triggered.

We should all be fucking triggered.

Because we say sexual violence is unacceptable, and then we keep making exceptions.

Deshaun Watson faced nearly 30 civil lawsuits accusing him of sexual misconduct. Then came a $230 million guaranteed NFL contract.

Donald Trump was found civilly liable for sexually abuse. Then millions of Americans voted him back into the White House.

Different situations. Same uncomfortable question:

How unacceptable is sexual violence to us, really, when accountability changes depending on who the man is?

Apparently our outrage has exceptions for talent. Power. Politics. Money. Popularity.

Sometimes simply because he’s someone we like.

And then there’s Cornell.

A young woman was drugged and sexually assaulted by multiple fraternity members over several hours.

But I can’t stop thinking about the group chat.

According to the lawsuit, one of those bright futured young men announced that she was available upstairs.

Other people saw it.

That’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

We spend so much time talking about the monsters that we forget about everybody standing around them.

The person who laughed.

The person who knew.

The person who saw the message and kept scrolling.

Because sexual violence doesn’t survive only because terrible people exist.

It survives because too many good people stay quiet.

Meanwhile, women have spent our entire lives calculating safety almost without realizing we’re doing it.

Watch your drink. Don’t walk alone. Stay together. Text me when you’re home. Don’t dress that way. Don’t flirt too much. Don’t change your mind. Be polite. 

Some women know what it feels like to freeze.

Some know what it feels like to be touched without permission.

Some have spent years wondering whether what happened to them was “bad enough” to count.

So maybe we need to stop putting all the responsibility on women to avoid being assaulted and start putting some fucking responsibility on everyone else to stop it.

Not assaulting someone is the bare minimum.

What does your goodness actually DO?

When something disgusting appears in the group chat, say something.

When someone is too intoxicated to consent, intervene.

When someone tells you they were assaulted, listen before you start looking for reasons not to believe them.

And when the person accused is someone you like, admire, vote for, cheer for, worship with, work beside or love?

Your values still have to count. Especially then.

Gisèle Pelicot gave us words that should be burned into our collective conscience:

“Shame must change sides.”

The shame does not belong to the woman who drank.

The woman who trusted someone.

The woman who froze.

The woman who didn’t report immediately.

The woman whose story makes everyone else uncomfortable.

The shame was never hers to carry.

So here’s my ask of this community:

Stop scrolling.

Stop laughing it off.

Stop protecting reputations more fiercely than people.

If something feels wrong, be the person who does something.

Speak.

Interrupt.

Call for help.

Report what you saw.

Believe that protecting another human being is worth making the room uncomfortable.

Because that’s how this changes.

Not another lecture telling women to watch their drinks.

Not another poster about sexual assault awareness.

It changes when the rest of us become more uncomfortable with sexual violence than we are with confronting the people who enable it.

So yes.

I’m angry.

I think we should all be fucking angry.

But anger isn’t enough either.

Do something with it.

Because silence is a choice.

And it’s long past time for the shame—and the consequences—to change sides.

Tiffany D.